Mabel's Guide to Life
by Meiousei Dark
Summary: Mabel is a spirited girl who sees the bright side of everything, and she has so many life lessons to give. How is she going to do that? With 'Mabel's Guide to Life.' A camera segment staring her and her closest friends and family, and maybe even Waddles. We all know guides 1 - 5, but no one knows about the many others. Who knows. You might just learn a little something about life.
1. Guide 6: Fitness

Mabel's guide to life  
Guide 6 : Mabel's guide to fitness  
Mabel was dressed in an excercise outfit, ready to shoot her show. "Welcome to Mabel's guide to fitness." "Today we will discuss ways to stay fit." "Let's watch what happens when a person doesn't have upper body strength."

* * *

Outside  
Grenda was

on one side of a large mud puddle, holding one side of a rope, while Dipper was on the other side, holding the other end of the rope. They were about to play a game of tug - of - war. "This is Grenda." said Mabel "She has tons of strength." "Yeah I do!" yelled Grenda. "This is Dipper. He... has upper body strength." She whispers to the camera "Not so much." "What was that?" asked Dipper, curiously, and at the same time, nervously.  
"Anyway" said Mabel trying to avoid the question "Let's get started, ready, go!"  
As soon as the game starts, Grenda's phone rings inside her pocket. Grenda pulls it out, still pulling the rope. Dipper pulls as hard as he can, but she wouldn't budge. "Oh, hey Kevin." said Grenda. Dipper is still pulling on the rope. "Yeah, I'm free tonight." Dipper pulls the best he can. "The Diner, I'd love to." Mabel's voice interrupts the conversation.  
"Grenda, this is no time to be on you're phone." "Fine" Grenda says, slightly annoyed. She put her phone back in her pocket. She gives one big tug and pulls Dipper face flat into the mud. "I won!" exclaimed Grenda. "Yes you did." said Mabel. Dipper's face is still in the mud. "I'm okay." said Dipper. "Lets take this thing up a notch." said Mabel

* * *

Inside the attic  
"Another part of really wanting to get fit, is intense training. Is that really necessary, you may ask. Ha ha ha, yes it is. I've been intensely training Soos for the past hour.

* * *

Flashback

* * *

Mabel is being tugged inside a red wagon that Soos is pulling. He's running around the shack. Mabel is yelling into a megaphone to help train Soos. "Come on Soos!" yelled Mabel through the megaphone " You'll never get any better if you don't run faster!" "I can't take it." said Soos, running and panting. "This training is so intense." "Run Soos, Run!" yelled Mabel.

* * *

Attic  
"That concludes Mabel's guide to fitness, with Waddles, the jog hog." Mabel walked over to Waddles jogging on a tiny treadmill with an ice cream sundae in front of him. "You want that sundae, you gotta jog for it, jog hog!" "Look at his little shorts."

* * *

To be continued in Mabel's guide to Hair Topiary


	2. Guide 7: Hair Topiary

Guide 7: Mabel's guide to Hair Topiary

Mabel was in her room with the camera, getting ready to shoot 'Mabel's guide to Life', a show starring herself, where she would share life lessons about specific things, such as one she was about to discuss.  
"Welcome everybody to Mabel's guide to Hair Topiary. I know what you're thinking, 'how is something like this even possible?' well, I've been reading hair magazines and topiary how - to books, and I thought that putting the two together would make a great life lesson."  
"I've been practicing with many diffrent mediums, like these stuffed animals." Mabel showes the camera her topiaried stuffed animal collection. There was a bear with a duck topiary, a duck with a bear topiary, a cat with a dog topiary, and a dog with a snail topiary. "I've also done it on real animals." Waddles walks in, wearing a pink wig with a topiary pig. "Waddles, you have a twin!" exclaimed Mabel, who played with the pig on his head. "Oink Oink." said Mabel.  
"Animals are good, but I've never done it on a human before, so I'm going to show you how to do the art of hair topiary."

* * *

Dipper is reading a book on his bed.  
"Step 1:Materials  
Materials needed are: hair brush, mirror, scizzors, chainsaw, and a flamethrower." "What?" asked Dipper "a chainsaw and a flamethrower, don't you think that's a bit extreme?!" "What? no, i've done this before." scoffed Mabel  
Step 2: Instructions  
First instruction: put sizzors in hair like this, wait, no, put this here, no, start with the chainsaw?, wait, I remember, start with flamethrower." Mabel picked up the flamethrower and pulled the trigger. Dipper had a horrified look on his face. "MABEL!" yelled Dipper.  
Mabel's hair is topiaried with some kind of bird in her hair. Dipper is reading a book on his bed, calmed down from the flamethrower incident. "This concludes Mabel's guide to hair topiary." Dipper looks at her hair, questioningly. "What is it?" asked Dipper "It's an ostrich, it's clearly an ostrich." She played with the bird on top of her head. "Ka Kaw."

* * *

To be continued in Mabel's guide to home pyrotechnics.


	3. Guide 8: Home Pyrotechnics

Guide 8: Home Pyrotecnics

Mabel was in the attic, which doubles as a room for her and her brother, getting ready to film and star in another instalment of the hit show, 'Mabel's Guide to Life'.

"Welcome everyone, to Mabel's guide to home pyrotechnics. Now, pyrotechnics is the making or handeling care of fireworks. So for all you futer pyrotechnic artist out there, I present to you, a great life lesson. 

* * *

Mabel was in the living room, ready to shoot the next scene. "The first thing everyone has to do before hand, is getting permission from a parent or guardian". Mabel looked to the direction of the stairs, and wispered "Grunkle Stan, can I do pyrotechnics in the living room?" She waited a few seconds. "I didn't hear a no." she said happily. 

* * *

Mabel is shooting in her room, while Dipper is reading a book on his bed. "Now, we'll start learning how use fireworks". Mabel puts a box of fireworks on a small, wooden table, and starts digging through it. "Wait, where did you get those?" asked Dipper, looking up from his book. "Ha ha ha, that's not important." said Mabel, trying to brush of his question. "What is important, is learning how to handle fireworks, properly for this life lesson." 

* * *

Outside the Mystery Shack, Mabel had already lined up a bunch of fireworks, ready to be fired into the sky. "I know lighting fireworks is a nighttime thing, but I really want to light them now." All of a sudden, Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland entered the shot. "What is going on over here!?" asked Blubs "Oh, nothing officers, just shooting off fireworks for my show." Mabel said, sheepishly. The officers stared at her, then at each other. "Carry on, then." said Blubs, as they walked out of the shot.

"Time to launch some fire works!" Mabel said, exitedly. While Mabel was launching fireworks, Robbie was behind her, about to walk into the shack, with a bouquet of red roses, to win back Wendy. In the sky, the fireworks spelled out 'Mabel is Awesome'. Some sparks from the fireworks, land on Robbie's hood, catching it on fire. "AAAAHHH, FIRE!" yelled Robbie in the background. Mabel didn't notice, and continued to stare at the fireworks. "Wow." said Mabel "FIRE, FIRE, AAAAHHH!" continued to yell Robbie. "This is awesome." said Mabel, about the fireworks. 

* * *

Mabel was in the living room, with a bunch of green things that resembled glow sticks. "Now, I'm going to use these chemical -y stick things, that I got from 'The Lab' said Mabel, quoting with her fingers "Ha ha ha, I probably shouldn't have said that out loud." Mabel picks up one of the sticks, and starts to observe it. She starts to shake it and bend it and do all sorts of other things with it. "Just gotta figure out how to work this thing." said Mabel, trying to figure it out. All of a sudden, the stick starts to smoke "Yup, that can't be good." With a loud boom, everything is within smoke.

The entire living room was a victim of the explosion. Mabel's supply of green sticks was everywhere. Mabel emerges from the rubble, her hair, sticking up and electrified, and her face covered in smoke. "Wow, I'll never be allowed to do that again, thanks for watching Mabel's guide to Home Pyrotechnics. Electricity runs through her hair. "Aah!" yells Mabel, startled. 

* * *

"Join us next time, for Mabel's Guide to Laughing For an uncomfortable amount of time."


	4. Guide 9: Laughing

Guide 9: Laughing for an Uncomfortable Amount of Time

The story starts in the attic, with Dipper reading a mystery book on his bed, and Mabel getting ready to shoot her show. "Hello eveyone, this is Mabel's guide to laughing for an uncomfortable amount of time." "Oh boy." said Dipper, not looking up from his book. "Let's get started." said Mabel Mabel started to laugh "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha"

Dipper had an annoyed look on his face. "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha" Dipper is trying to cover his ears with his pillow. "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha"

"Grrrr" "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha"

Dipper searches around on his bed and finds an MP3 player, turns it on, and listens to music. "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha"

Dipper suddenly doesn't hear music anymore. He looks at the MP3 player to find it is dead. Dipper has an annoyed expression "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha"

Mabel stops laughing "I could literally do this all day." "Please don't" said Dipper. Mabel tries to hold it in, then busted out laughing. "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!" Dipper starts hitting his head with the book. 

* * *

Dipper is calmed down and is reading his book as normal "Ha ha ha, ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha." "And that was Mabel's Guide to Laughing for an Uncomfortable amount of Time, wait, here comes some more, Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!" Dipper stuffed his face inside his book.

"See you next time for Mabel's Guide to Flying."


	5. Guide 10: Flying

Guide 10: Flying

It was late in the afternoon, one day. Mabel was outside with a camera, a pillow, a pilot hat, and pilot goggles, which she would be using in her guide today. "Hello everybody, today, i'm going to do Mabel's Guide to Flying. I know what you're thinking, how come birds get to fly, and we don't,Well, i'll tell you."

"In ancient times, both humans and birds wanted wings, so they did the most epic thing they could think of... they played rock, paper, sizzors for them. In the end, the birds won, with they're most powerful weapon, feet. Anyway, today i'm going to teach you how to fly!"

* * *

"As you can see, i'm suited up in my flight gear. I also would like to dedicate this guide to one of the greatest people in history, Amelia Earhart, or as I like to call her ..." She turned around, and wrote on the pillow strapped around her with a marker. She turned back to face the camera. "Amelia Awesomehart!"

* * *

"Flying is a lot harder than it looks, so i'm gonna show you how to do it in no time!" Mabel was already wearing wings made of bird feathers. "Okay, the first part is training, stick you're wings out like this, then you start flapping you're wings." Mabel is flapping her wings. "Keep flapping them, harder and harder, until it's okay to... JUMP!, but not right now, this is still the training portion."

* * *

"This is it!" said Mabel "It's time for all that training to pay off!" "Ready!?" She strapped the camera to her forehead "Okay, I'm gonna do it now!" she started to slowly flap her wings, but all the camera could see, was the cliff she was about to fly off of. She flapped her wings, until she was at full force. "Ready!?" She than ran off straight off the cliff, and into the air.

"I'm doing it! ha, take that birds!" She looked down and saw that the ground was coming closer to her, and realized what was happening. "Oh wait, I'm not flying, i'm falling, Ha ha ha ha, oh wait, that's bad, Aaaahhhhh!"

* * *

While she was falling, the camera slipped from her head and landed upright, being abel to film Mabel falling on a fence and crushing it. She got up off the ground and coughed. "That was Mabel's Guide to Flying, which proves that flying and falling are basically the same thing. She leaned over and wispered to a bird "I am like you now bird, we are now one."

* * *

"Join us nex time, for Mabel's Guide to Beauty"


	6. Guide 11: Beauty

Guide 11: Beauty

Upstairs in the attic, Mabel was about ready to shoot her guide with her two best friends, Candy and Grenda. Today's guide is supposed to be very important, and is intended to help many people in life.

"Hello everyone, and welcome to Mabel's guide to Beauty. Today we will discuss the hopes and dreams of pretty much, everyone on the planet. Everyone can be beautiful, but today, i'm going to give you tips on how to be even more beautiful." 

* * *

"Everyone knows that the real beauty is on the inside, but for some reason, people are more focused on the outside, lots of people even DREAM of being beautiful on the outside, so I have come up with a way to give people they're dreams, while they're dreaming about it, I call it, Sleeping Beauties." "Let's introduce our team, Candy, the sketch artist. Candy drew something on paper "We should use these designs, while everyone sleeps tonight." "Grenda, the Look Out and Security." "I will let NOTHING go wrong!" "Mabel, the Make Up carrier." "I carry it all in a bag!"

Candy asked "So when does this start, Mabel?" "YEAH!" yelled Grenda "I WANNA DO SOME MAKEOVERS!" "It starts tonight." said Mabel "YEAH!" said Candy and Grenda as they high fived each other. The next scene takes place at night, with Dipper asleep in his bed, and Mabel, Candy and Grenda, talking quietly in the attic.

* * *

"This is how Sleeping Beauties work, while everyone in the shack is asleep, and dreaming about beauty, we will make they're dreams come true in the middle of the night, and when they wake up in the morning..." Grenda shouts " THEY'LL FIND THAT THEY'RE DREAMS HAVE COME TRUE!" "Shhhhh!" wispered Candy and Mabel. "Sorry." Grenda wispered. Candy pulls a peice of paper out of her pocket. "I was thinking that we could do this for Dipper." She showed them the design. "So bold!" said Grenda "Let's do it!" 

* * *

Dipper's face has already been decorated by the girls, and has makeup all over it. "Wait until he wakes up and sees this" said Mabel. 

* * *

The girls are in Soos's room, ready to give him a makeover. "We should use this one for Soos." wispered Candy, who was showing the drawing to everyone. "It's so daring." wispered Mabel "And beautiful." wispered Grenda. Soos has makeup on his face. "He looks fantastic." wispered Grenda kind of loudly. "Let's move on." said Mabel. 

* * *

They are in Grunkle Stan's room. Grunkle Stan has already been made over. "I can't wait to see what he thinks of this." wispered Candy. 

* * *

In the morning, the sun had already risen, and everyone exept the girls was asleep. Dipper had drowsily started to open his eyes, and when he did, he saw the three girls, standing there and smiling at him, which kind of made him think they were up to something. "Good morning, sleepy - head." said Mabel "Did you sleep well last night?" "You are looking pretty good today." said Candy, who then giggles. Dipper says, groggily "Wha...wh...what are you talking about?" "Here is some clarification!" yells Grenda, as she hands him the mirror. "What th..." sais Dipper as he looks in the mirror. "Aaaaahhhhh! what did you guys do!?" "Come on girls!" Mabel yells "To Soos's room!" 

* * *

"Soos, wake up!" yelled Mabel "YEAH, WE WANT TO SHOW YOU YOU'RE DREAM! yelled Grenda. Soos is just barley waking up. "Wh...wh...what are you dudes doing?" "Here is a mirror." said Candy. Soos sees himself through the mirror. "Aaaaaahhhh, my lip stick, it's chiq red 11, everyone knows that chiq red 12 is in! Aaaahhh! 

* * *

"Good morning Grunkle Stan." said Mabel. Grunkle Stan is trying to wake up. "What are you doing in my room?" Stan asked "The question you should be asking" said Mabel "Is 'why do I look so gorgeous today?'" She hand him a mirror "What! My Face, WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY FACE!? Aaaahhhhhh!" 

* * *

"Thanks for watching Mabel's Guide to Beauty, just don't do Sleeping Beauty, unless you want everyone to be mad at you." Grunkle Stan yells from another room "Aaaahhhh, MY FACE, Aaaaahhhhh!" 

* * *

"The next guide is Mabel's Guide to Love Robots."


	7. Guide 12: Love Robots

Guide 12: Love Robots

Mabel was in the house, one day. Dipper was looking for monsters in the woods, Soos had the day off. Grunkle Stan was doing some illegal shopping, so Mabel had the whole house to herself.

"Hi, and welcome to, Mabel's Guide to Love Robots.

If there's a certain robot in you're life, and you just can't get him or her to go out with her, then stick around, because this guide is for you." 

* * *

"This first lesson is Flirting with Robots 101.

If it appears that you're robot friend isn't into you, start flirting. Here's how to do that." "Today, we have a special guest with us today. Greg. He's a robot that I got from nowhere in particular, while doing nothing in particular, he he he….. Anyway"

Mabel walked up to Greg "Are you from a secret government testing facility, because you're the only robot I see" she said in a flirtatious voice "Did I fall off the roof again, or am I just falling for you? BOOM! Wanna go out?" Greg responded "No, not interested" Dang it." Mabel said 

* * *

"The second lesson is Acting on Dates.

When you're out on a date with you're, hopefully future robot boyfriend of girlfriend, It's best to act like if you were on a date with a human. Ask questions and listen. If he or she won't be you're boyfriend or girlfriend, than it's time to move on to the last resort.

"The last resort is begging and pleading.

If you absolutely cannot get the robot to be you're boyfriend or girlfriend, then I don't know what else to tell all of you, who want it so badly, but let's move on." 

* * *

"I think it's time to start looking at robot dating from a different perspective. Is dating robots really all that worth it. Wouldn't it be better to date a human instead. Someone who can actually listen and be there for you. Even those of you who can't get a human boyfriend or girlfriend, don't worry. You're true love will find you in time."

All of a sudden, Greg moves into the shot "That was beautiful, Mabel I love you, please let me go out with you!" Mabel just shunned the robot

"You should've put a ring on it, Greg." She said, all sassy – like. The robot then started to malfunction

"Malfunction, Malfunction, Feeling…of..Rejection…Overwealming….Self Destruct in 5…4 …3" "Aaaahhhhh!" Mabel yelled

"…2…1…

BOOM!"

* * *

"Join us next week, for Mabel's Guide to: Eating Non-Foods.


	8. Guide 13: Eating Non Foods

Guide 13: Eating Non Foods

Mabel was sitting at the kitchen table one day. She had her camera and was about to turn it on for the benefit of today's guide.

"Hello, everyone, and as promised, this is Mabel's Guide to Eating Non Foods. This is especially good for someone who loves to experience new things, like trying new foods, even if it isn't food. So today, I bring you the incredible buffet of non foods. 

* * *

"Some non foods are dangerous to eat, that's why you shouldn't eat things that are dangerous, poisonous, or anything that can harm you in any way.

Now, let's get to the ones that are sort of okay to eat." Mabel, then walked up to her brother's bed and picked a book that Dipper was currently reading "How about this book?" she said. She started chewing on it, when Dipper opened the door and saw her.

"Mabel, what are you doing, give me my book."

Mabel says with her mouth full "No, it's amazing booky goodness." Dipper then tries to wrestle the book from Mabel's mouth. "Give me the book, Mabel!" "Never!" Mabel said with the book in her mouth. Dipper noticed the camera filming them.

"Nothing to see here" he said as he covered the camera. 

* * *

"Now, let's talk to a non food eating expert, who is very talented in this field of exploration." 

* * *

Mabel is sitting on the kitchen table with Soos sitting next to her. "Soos, what are you're thoughts on eating non foods?" Mabel asked

"Well, eating food is good, it's essential for survival, but eating non foods, they are the goodness of everyday objects like car keys or shirts. Eating non foods is a portal to a parallel universe."

"Deep" Mabel said. 

* * *

Mabel was outdoors, filming. "We are out here today, to witness Gompers the Goat, eating something that is not food."

Mabel revealed the goat eating some cans and other trash.

"Can you believe it?! We had someone among us this whole time, who eats things more then average food. Let's move on, now!" 

* * *

"Now, I, Mabel, will partake in eating a non food.

I will eat…." She searched and held up an item.

"…This book!" She puts the book in her mouth.

Dipper sees her, eating it, and tries to take it back.

"Mabel, give me my book!"

"No.. I want it.. so.. good.. taste.. taking over.. can't stop."

Dipper saw the camera "Nothing over here to watch, keep walking, stop staring" he said as he covered up the camera. 

* * *

"Well, that's it for Mabel's guide to eating non foods, see you next ti_"

Mabel saw the book on Dipper's bed

"So gooooo…." She said in a hypnotic state.

She then slapped herself "No Mabel! Stay Strong, I think I'm breaking down!"

She looked back at the camera

"What wa- what was I talking about?" 

* * *

See you all next time, for Mabel's Guide to: Dinning.


End file.
